


Chrysalis

by Bulletproof_love



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Adultery, Anal Sex, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Comfort/Angst, Coming Out, Declarations Of Love, Divorce, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Fucking, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Homosexuality, Hook-Up, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Licking, Love, M/M, Making Love, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash, Marriage, Marriage of Convenience, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Rimming, Running, Scars, Separations, Sex, Smut, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-08-06 11:35:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16387037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bulletproof_love/pseuds/Bulletproof_love
Summary: A prosecutor and a defense attorney walk into a bar…It sounded like the beginning of a bad joke.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tobeconspicuous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/gifts).



> I want to give a massive thank you to my beta tobeconspicuous for taking the time to talk this story through with me, to help me develop it and of course beta it. 
> 
> A thank you also goes out to darkmoore for helping me to develop certain aspects.

It wasn’t the first time that Trevor had found himself inside Forlini’s and it hadn’t changed much since his last visit. The polished mahogany bar gleamed underneath the moody lighting, the matching wooden booths were off set with sage coloured fabric, giving the bar a more atmospheric feel. It was quiet here tonight and easy to pick out Rafael Barba among the sparse littering of patrons.  
  
Barba was perched in the chair that seemed permanently reserved for him near the top of the bar. A crystalline glass of half-drunk scotch was within arm’s reach as he scribbled on a yellow legal pad with a ferocity that reminded Trevor of the courtroom. The cuffs of his crisp white shirt were undone and rolled up to his elbows, revealing muscular forearms and a black and silver watch that had seen far better days. His expensive charcoal grey suit jacket resting upon the seat alongside him marking it as reserved.  
  
There was something alluring about watching the other man in his natural habitat. In court he was bold and fearless, he wore his suits like armor, never showing weakness. But here, in this bar there was a hint of vulnerability about Barba. The tension he always seemed to carry had melted away, making his posture less rigid as he sipped languidly from the glass in his hand. His neat hair was mussed, the mask of unaffectedness had slipped from his features, softening his facial expressions when he smiled at the young bartender as she supplied him with napkin.  For the first time Trevor felt like he was seeing the real Rafael Barba, the man and not the prosecutor that pea-cocked his way around the courtroom.  
  
It  felt voyeuristic but Trevor had always enjoyed watching Barba as the other man strutted around, looking as if he owned the place. It was calculated, a device Barba used to exude confidence but it worked and lesser attorneys were intimidated by Barba’s larger than life attitude.    
  
Trevor recognised it for what it was, posturing. He’d spent his life growing up around powerful men and Rafael Barba could outmaneuver every single one of them. The truth was the other man was superb and he knew it.  
  
Trevor sucked in a breath, drawing himself up to his full height before pressing forward. It seemed ridiculous that Barba intimidated him more in this setting than he did in the actual courtroom, but that was the truth. At the courthouse their roles were defined, they were soldiers battling on behalf of their clients. Here though, they were two men who had decided to grab a drink at the end of a long day.  
  
A prosecutor and a defence attorney walk into a bar…  
  
It sounded like the beginning of a bad joke, Trevor thought as he stepped towards Barba.  
  
“Rafael.” Trevor greeted the younger man, his black, patent leather briefcase clasped in front of him with both hands.  
  
“Trevor.” Barba returned with a smile that lit up his entire face.  
  
For a moment Trevor was thunderstruck. He felt a warmth blossoming in his chest, something bright and new, something he hadn’t expected upon coming here to the bar tonight. He couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. Those green eyes glinted with a hint of mischief as Rafael removed his suit jacket from the seat alongside him. Their knees bumped together gently, sending a tiny thrill pursing through Trevor.  
  
“I’m glad you made it.” Rafael uttered,  the left side of his mouth quirking up.

“I’m glad you asked.” Trevor responded, taking a moment to order his own drink from the bar before turning his attention to Rafael. Their thighs brushed against one another, the rustle of material barely audible over the sounds of the bar.  “Did you really ask me here just for a drink?”

“Depends on if all you are interested in is a drink.” Rafael told Trevor, raising an eyebrow as he sipped from his glass of scotch. 

There was need in those green eyes, a want so potent that it sent an intense ripple of heat rolling through Trevor’s body. The urge to reach out and touch Rafael was overwhelming, he could feel it prickling along every single one of his nerve endings as his gaze lowered to Rafael’s mouth.

It sent a shiver of anticipation trailing down Trevor’s spine, he wanted this man, he wanted him more than he had ever wanted anyone else before.

“If I was interested in more?” Trevor asked.

A wicked smile spread across Rafael’s lips. 

“Then you had better hurry up and finish your drink.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Rafael Barba was stunning. The way his skin glowed in the light from the nightstand had Trevor captivated as his hands glided over Rafael’s naked body. His head tilted back into the pillow, a low moan leaving his throat as Trevor’s thumb brushed along the length of his cock. 

His lips followed suit, his tongue licking over the sensitive skin of Rafael’s inner thighs as his muscles tightened and his breath became ragged. Trevor savored every sound that left Rafael’s lips, using it as a guide to explore all of the places that Rafael kept hidden under his tailored suits.  

The salty taste of Rafael on his lips made Trevor’s cock throb in anticipation as he used his tongue to flick over his asshole. Rafael’s fingers threaded through his hair, his hips arching into the pillows propped underneath him as Trevor’s tongue delved inside. His palms came to rest on either side of Rafael’s thighs, holding him open so that he could thrust deeper into his asshole, his grip on Trevor’s hair tightening.

“I want you to fuck me.” Rafael whispered, his voice rough. “Please.”

Trevor withdrew, his hands caressing up along Rafael’s thighs as he took in the sight of Rafael, splayed across those white sheets, his hand stroking up and down his cock. His breathing was heavy, his green gaze fixed on Trevor.

Trevor reached for the condom and lube that he had set upon the night stand, he tore open the foil carefully before applying the condom and drizzling the lube generously over the latex. 

“You sure about this?” Trevor asked Rafael as he slowly pumped his hand along his cock, covering it with lubrication. 

“Fuck me.” Rafael growled in response.

Trevor’s eyes locked on Rafael’s as he kissed his way up Rafael’s body, relishing the press of Rafael’s heated skin as he writhed underneath him. Rafael's hands ran over the raised scars on his back but he didn't ask about them and Trevor was glad he didn't have to tell, instead he bowed his head capturing Rafael’s lips with his own as he entered Rafael with an agonising slowness. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight.” Trevor whispered against the corner of Rafael’s mouth as he began to move in long, drawn out strokes. 

Rafael’s fingers were back in his hair, guiding Trevor’s mouth back down to his. The kiss was surprisingly tender, Rafael’s lips brushing over his softly as his hand cupped Trevor’s jaw, thumb smoothing over the apple of his cheek.

That feeling was back, the one that had bloomed in his chest earlier back in the bar when Rafael had given him that smile. Trevor had felt attraction many times before but this was something else, something new, something that Trevor realised he had been absent from his life for the such a long time. 

His hand sought out Rafael’s, their fingers entwining as Trevor drove deeper into Rafael, earning a cry of pleasure.

“More.” Rafael whispered against his lips, his legs wrapping around Trevor’s waist, drawing him even deeper. 

Trevor moaned into Rafael’s mouth as he sunk even further into Rafael’s tight heat, filling him completely. 

Trevor knew, he wouldn’t last long, already he could feel his balls beginning to tingle as Rafael’s fingers dug into his hand, that hot breath ghosting across his cheek as Rafael whimpered every time Trevor’s cock stroked over his prostate. 

Trevor’s free hand reached down between the two of them, seeking Rafael’s leaking cock. He gripped the cock in his fist, pumping it in time with his thrusts.

Rafael’s head tipped back into the pillow, his entire body arching against Trevor as his breathing echoed in shallow pants throughout the room.  He was so close, Trevor could feel it in the way his asshole clenched tightly around him. 

“Trevor.” his name sounded like music as it rolled off Rafael’s lips, his come spilling over Trevor’s fist as Rafael’s ass gripped him.

“Raf.” Trevor cried out as the orgasm hit him hard, ecstasy vibrating through his entire body as he erupted inside of Rafael, hips stuttering as he came.

Rafael’s hands were tangling his hair once more, drawing him back into a languid kiss as they ride out the pleasure together. 

It’s just the two of them locked in a completely perfect moment and Trevor wished it never had to end. 

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael realises he wants more.

Rafael could count the amount of times he had brought someone back to his apartment on one hand.  Truth be told, unless he was in an actual relationship, his home was off limits. His life was complicated enough with his work schedule and he didn’t want the pitfalls of dating. He didn’t have time, or the inclination, to put himself out there for it to inevitably crash and burn, the same way his previous relationship had. 

Which was why he had hookups. He always made sure he ended up back at their place, it made it easier to leave in the morning. 

However, after months of hooking up with Trevor,  he had gotten carried away, had broken the one rule he had sworn to himself was not negotiable. Now Trevor was in his bed, curled up around him, his face buried into Rafael's shoulder. It made Rafael feel…

Content.

He couldn’t remember the last time someone had held him this way. He hadn’t realised how much he missed it. Trevor was the first person in years to figure out what he liked, to explore his body, to find all of those secretive little places, the ones that drove him crazy. Trevor seemed to revel in his pleasure, his only goal to make Rafael writhe under his touch before he finally claimed him as his own.

The stubble that lined Trevor’s jaw rubbed across his sensitive skin, delivering a delicious blend of ecstasy and pain as his lips soothed over the slight burn.

There was a tenderness in the gesture, one that he had felt every single time the two of them had been together since that first night. It had been a long time since Rafael had felt cherished, that someone cared about him. 

Already that large hand was enclosing on Rafael’s hip, guiding him onto his back. Trevor’s fingers grazed the apple of his cheek, his thumb trailing over the shape of Rafael’s lips before Trevor dipped his head low and kissed him. 

It was one of the sweetest kisses that Rafael had ever experienced. He found himself giving in as Trevor’s hands began to wander, smoothing over the contours of Rafael’s frame.  There was an urgency in his motions and Rafael found the same sensation sweeping over him as his tongue delved into the hot confines of his lover’s mouth. Trevor was intoxicating, the brush of his hot skin pressing against Rafael’s sent a shot of ecstasy zinging through his body.

“Let me fuck you Rafael,” Trevor murmured into his ear, his teeth grazing his earlobe as his fingertips brushed along Rafael’s silky erection. “Let me see you come for me.”

Those words, that voice…

Jesus, he didn’t think he’d ever felt so turned on. The palm of Trevor’s hand ran up along the length of Rafael’s cock causing him to moan at the erotic sensation. 

“Fuck, you look so good like this.” Trevor whispered into the curve of his shoulder, his fingers gliding up and down Rafael's cock before his thumb swept across the leaking tip, coating it with Rafael’s pre-come. “So fucking hard for me already.”

Rafael was incoherent, his breathing was coming in laboured pants as he thrust into Trevor’s grasp over and over again. He wanted more, he wanted to lose himself in this man, to come undone around his cock as he kissed him into oblivion.

“Fuck me.” Rafael whispered, his voice raw and full of need.

He saw the hunger burning in those intense grey eyes, it was unbridled, wild even, and Rafael wanted to be consumed by it, to forget everything outside of this moment. He waited, his eyes bright with arousal as Trevor made a show of rolling the condom down his cock before coating it with the lube from the nightstand. 

Rafael moaned as Trevor’s slick cock pressed against that sensitive, puckered flesh before he applied the barest pressure. His breath hitched as Trevor began to rock his hips, sliding just a quarter of an inch deeper every time.

Trevor took his time, working Rafael into a slow frenzy. He felt almost delirious by the time his lover slid home, burying himself to the hilt.

Rafael hooked his ankles underneath Trevor’s ass, drawing him in even deeper inside him. 

“Harder.” Rafael grunted, meeting Trevor’s eyes. 

He saw that ferocious smile on Trevor’s lips and he knew the other man would raise to the challenge. Trevor drew back, his fingertips digging into Rafael’s hips as he slammed into his lover, the head of his cock brushing over his prostate. Rafael didn’t even recognise the noise that came out of his mouth, it was a primal cry full of pleasure and gratification. It spurred Trevor on, causing him to pick up the pace, his groans resounding in Rafael’s ears.

“You look so good like this.” Trevor whispered, punctuating every word with a deep thrust that drove Rafael absolutely insane. “You feel so good wrapped around my cock.”

Already Rafael could feel his orgasm rising as Trevor drove into him. Trevor reached between them grasping Rafael’s sensitive cock in his fist as he fucked into him again and again. 

The orgasm hit him like a tidal wave, chased through Rafael’s veins like a narcotic, stealing away everything else except the sensation of pure rapture. He cried out Trevor’s name, practically screaming it as the hot come spurted from his cock, painting Trevor’s fist in streaks of white. 

A guttural groan escaped Trevor’s lips as he gave one final thrust, spilling his come inside of Rafael. Trevor lowered his head, his lips capturing Rafael’s as he kissed him softly.

In that moment Rafael felt precious, loved even and it was then he realised he was lost.  

* * *

 

“I have to go.” Trevor sighed, glancing at the alarm clock resting upon the nightstand. His lips grazed the nape of the Rafael’s neck sending a shiver down his resonating down spine, drowning out his disappointment at the statement. 

He felt Trevor’s warm form leave him, the rustle of the bedsheets as he slipped out from underneath them and held back the groan of protest. He turned onto his opposite side, surveying Trevor as he sat on the edge of the bed, hunting for his trousers. 

He took a moment to drink in this sight, to commit it to his memory. 

That mussed up dark hair, the profile of Trevor’s  handsome features as he located some of his missing clothing. His gaze dropped to the slightly raised flesh on Trevor’s back, those faded white welts that marred the sinewy muscle. They were a few of them littered here or there but they were enough, enough to make Rafael’s heartache in his chest at what they represented. Part of him wanted to ask, wanted to kiss each and every single one of them until the only thing Trevor associated with them was the feel of Rafael’s mouth and the pleasure that followed after. But just like every other time they had hooked up, he didn’t.

Trevor was already pulling on his boxers, Rafael propped his head up on his hand and watched him draw those expensive black trousers up to his hips before fastening them. The shirt was next, the one that matched his eyes just so perfectly. He left it unbuttoned and hanging open as he turned to face Rafael once more, that smile lighting up his features. 

“My tie?” he questioned, an eyebrow quirked in Rafael’s direction.

“Living room, along with your shoes and jacket.” Rafael answered. He remembered stripping the tie from Trevor’s collar as his lips sought out more of Trevor’s soft skin. 

“I guess this is goodbye then.”  Trevor murmured, his gaze dropping to the buttons of his shirt as his fingers made hasty work of them. 

“Until the next time.” Rafael told him, his heart already feeling heavy at the prospect.

“Next time.” Trevor echoed before retreating from the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor reflects on his life during his run.

Trevor Langan was running. The crisp air bit at his lungs as he sucked in a deep breath and forced himself to surge forward, the muscles in his legs burning. He welcomed the sensation, thriving on it, pushing himself even further as he raced through the park, the music blasting out of his ear buds. 

Running was his safe haven, his shelter.

When he was much younger, he would run to  escape the things he couldn't control.   Things like the fact he had to live under his father’s roof, the expectation that he would follow in his old man’s footsteps, become a lawyer at one of New York’s most prestigious law firms, get married and father a couple of kids. Those ideals were impressed upon him from an early age. In those days he ran every night, he ran from the inevitability of the situation he was being thrust into, ran from the choices that were made for him instead of by him. 

Trevor could feel that familiar ache in his chest as he exhaled deeply and forced himself to continue on the physically punishing course that he had set for himself. He had spent years trying to come to terms with his sexuality, trying to bury it underneath the role of boyfriend, lover and finally husband but it didn’t stop him from wanting…

He had had many trysts over the years, many encounters with other men that left him melancholy. He wished for the days before he married Karen, wished that he had stood up to his father when he had had the chance. He never meant to hurt Karen, he loved her but not in the way she wanted. It would have been better for the both of them if he had simply stood up and admitted the truth about his sexuality. 

Instead he would return home to his wife and he would confess. She would tell him it wasn’t his fault, that it was simply a phase. The pattern had been established during the early years of their marriage, back when they were in their twenties and it had existed throughout the duration. 

When they slept together he always thought about men, the ones he’d been with, the ones he wanted to be with. He never denied her in bed, for Trevor he always felt the obligation hanging over him despite the fact he hated it. 

It was when Karen brought up children that things changed. 

He couldn’t bring a child into his marriage, he couldn’t bring a baby into a relationship that was based on denial and deceit. A baby wouldn’t fix their problems.  He had been raised in that family and his life…

He hated it.

He had hated himself for not breaking away before it had gotten to that point and he knew he was lucky that Karen had chosen not to do something more dramatic. He’s heard stories about men who had been tricked into becoming fathers, he had thought Karen was above that until he’d found that ovulation stick. 

Further investigation confirmed that she had stopped taking her birth control tablets with the vitamins she had taken at the same time every single morning for the past twenty years.

It was that realisation that brought everything to a head. 

So he made the tough choices.

He requested a separation. He moved out of the house the next day and finally into an apartment closer to the office. He’d felt more in control after that, he was actually beginning to live instead of walking along the path that  someone else had chosen for him .

He also started making smaller changes. Simple things like wearing more colourful ties to the office, growing a beard just because he could. Soon he started looking into family law because despite the fact his billables as a defence attorney were through the roof he was already starting to feel the toll it was taking on his soul. 

He had spent such a long time hiding who he was so he stuck with what he knew, stolen kisses in a bar, late night hookups that went nowhere. Despite the fact he craved more, he struggled to put himself out there. His father’s voice was always ringing in his head, reminding him that Langan’s didn’t act like this, that Langan’s weren’t faggots. 

He still bore the scars from when his father had caught him with another boy from the track team. The two of them had been kissing inside the pool house, shirts off, hands roaming, exploring when his father he found them. He had chased Steven Vandercamp off, his shirt flapping in the wind behind him but Trevor…

Sometimes he still had those nightmares from where his father had tried to ‘beat the gay’ out of him. He remembered his mother taking him to the hospital, telling the doctors he had gotten into a fight at school, he found himself repeating the same line mechanically when they tried to get him to disclose the true nature of his injuries. After all what kid took their belt to another kid’s back?

Steven hadn’t been able to look him in the eye when he returned to school the following week, the two of them kept away from each other after that. There had been men in college, other students like him with more experience and they had taught him what it meant to be with another man. Those romances he always made sure were short lived, he couldn’t stand the thought of his father finding out. It was after he’d gotten his first job in a law firm, after college that his father had introduced him to Karen. She was a beautiful woman, one of status and a charm that enamoured most of the people around her. The perfect wife, he had said pointedly.

A year later they were married. 

It was his biggest regret. 

His mind flickered back to this morning, to leaving Rafael tangled up amongst those soft white sheets in the aftermath of their love making. He loved how debauched the other man had looked, that Trevor had done that to him. It was getting harder and harder to leave Rafael after the two of them hooked up, it had taken every single ounce of his self-restraint to not crawl back into bed with the other man, to wrap him in his arms and hold him the way he wanted to. The truth was he needed the time, time to consider his next steps.

He imagined late nights cuddled up with Rafael, mornings spent dividing the newspaper over breakfast. He pictured the two of them holding hands in the park, tasting that bitter sweet combination of whisky and chocolate on Rafael’s lips after sharing a dessert. They were stupid things but they were his stupid things, his stupid hopes, his stupid dreams, no one else’s. 

For the first time in his life Trevor Langan was going to do what was best for him. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael receives a gift.

“You have a gift.” Carmen commented, her lips twitching at the edges of her mouth as she tilted her head towards the door of Rafael’s office. “I’ve left it on your desk.”

“Oh.” Rafael queried, his dark eyebrows raised as he paused before taking a sip from his takeout coffee cup. “You check to make sure it’s not a bomb?”

Carmen gave him that look, the one that showed him exactly what she thought of that ridiculous suggestion. Carmen had dealt with the hideous things he had been sent in the mail before, everything from the death threats, to pictures of him with the eyes scratched out and the rats, of course, the dead ones he’d received when he was going after Donlan, Dumas and Campesi. 

Carmen had handled that admiringly. He had given her a raise after that as well as a Bordeaux he knew she coveted. She had stuck by him all of these years as his assistant, his friend, his confident. She protected him from the worst parts of himself. After his relationship with Clint had spectacularly crashed and burned, she had made sure he took care of himself. She had removed his whiskey decanter when he was drinking too much, made sure he ate when he could barely bring himself to touch food and shooed him home to sleep during those late nights when he became too exhausted to function. She had sought out the therapist that helped him with his nightmares, booked in the appointments, pressured him into going with just the right amount of cajoling and berating. 

It had worked to an extent, the nightmares were less frequent and he took better care of himself, more than he had done in years and he had her to thank for that. 

“Why don’t you take a look and then you can tell me all about your mysterious gift?” Carmen uttered, diverting her attention back to the computer on her desk.

Rafael felt suitably dismissed. He traipsed into his office, his black woollen coat sashaying around his calves as he stepped over the threshold, those inquisitive eyes of his already seeking out his prize. The gift was a long, charcoal grey box.  Silver lettering was embossed into the high end packaging boasting its place of purchase, it was sealed with a silk, forest green ribbon. There was a flutter of excitement in the pit of his stomach as Rafael tugged at the ribbon gently, undoing the bow before he lifted the lid from his gift. 

Situated in a box lined with silk was a bottle of “Highland Park ‘Valkyrie’”, a rare single malt scotch from the Orkney Isle. His fingers played over the label on the bottle before he reached for the small, white place card resting upon the curved neck. 

_ You still owe me that drink. – T _

Rafael couldn’t help but smile, his thumb chased over the capital ‘T’ as he withdrew his phone from his left coat pocket before typing.

_ Rafael Barba: I got your gift, you have excellent taste. _

He didn’t have to wait long for Trevor’s reply, his phone chimed within seconds of sending the message.

_ Trevor Langan: The hope was that we’d both get a taste…  _

A shiver vibrated through Rafael at the implication, he thought of the way Trevor’s mouth had felt on his skin earlier that morning, how the other man had tasted in Rafael’s mouth as he had licked and sucked until Trevor was writhing under his touch. He wanted that again, he wanted to become lost in Trevor Langan, to experience what it felt like to love and be loved in return. 

_ Rafael Barba: It would be shame not to have someone to drink this with. My place, 8pm?  _

The reply was instantaneous. 

_ Trevor Langan: I look forward to it.  _


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor and Rafael put their cards on the table.

Trevor rapped his knuckles lightly on the wooden door, listening to the bolt sliding back and the jingle of the chain before Rafael opened the door.

He was clad in dark, denim jeans and a wine coloured sweater that hugged the contours of his upper body. His dark hair was still damp from the shower he must have taken earlier on in the evening. Trevor felt the urge to run his fingers through it. The sight of him was breathtaking and Trevor found himself stunned as he drank in the sight.

“You’re staring,” Rafael murmured. The left side of his mouth quirked up into a smile as he took in Trevor’s startled demeanour.

“Sorry.” Trevor said, feeling the pink blush creep across his cheeks. “It’s just you’re always wearing a suit.”

“You’re still wearing yours,” Rafael commented wryly.

“I came straight from the office.” Trevor revealed before he held up the brown take away bag so that it was in Rafael’s line of vision.  “Dinner?”

Rafael was already gesturing for him to step inside, his nose crinkling at the scent of Thai food as he took the pre-offered bag from Trevor’s hands. 

Trevor stepped inside, closing the door behind him and stripping his long black coat from his shoulders and hanging it upon the antique coat rack. He followed Rafael to the lounge, dropping down onto the couch alongside him. He set out the take out containers upon the plates that he had already laid out upon the mahogany coffee table. Trevor spied the familiar whiskey bottle, placed in the centre of the coffee table.

“I see you started without me.” Trevor uttered, his gaze coming to linger on the two tumblers, one on either side of the bottle of ‘Valkyrie.” One of the tumblers was already half full.

“Dutch courage.” Rafael replied distract as he opened both of the takeout containers and prodded one towards Trevor, who had paused midway through removing his lavender tie.

“You were nervous?”  Trevor asked, setting the tie down on the edge of the coffee table.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.” Rafael admitted, gesturing between the two of them with a pair of chopsticks.

“Had dinner with someone?” Trevor teased, picking up his own designated container and poking at the food inside with the chopsticks that Rafael had laid out. 

Rafael’s gaze lowered to his noodles. His dark eyebrows furrowing into a frown as he concentrated just a little too hard on his task.

“It’s been a couple of years.” He told Trevor. “The life of an ADA doesn’t leave much time to socialise outside of the politics.”

There was more to it than that, Trevor could see it in the way his shoulders tightened, in the grimace that crossed his handsome features. He didn’t push, whatever had happened had hurt Rafael deeply and Trevor didn’t want to make him talk about it if he wasn’t ready. Instead Trevor decided to put his cards out on the table.

“This is the first time I’ve done this,” his grey gaze dipping as he felt his cheeks begin to heat at the admission.

There was silence for a moment, it hung in the air between them, weighing on Trevor until he forced himself to look up and meet Rafael’s bewildered stare.

“Had dinner with someone your fucking?” Rafael asked through a mouth full of food. He put his take out container upon the coffee table and wiped his hands with a napkin.

Trevor followed suit, using his own paper towel to wipe across his mouth. He suddenly found himself unable to take another bite, this conversation required his full attention and he had already started it poorly.

He laced his fingers together, clasping his hands in his lap before he spoke again.

“I’ve been married to a woman for the majority of my life.” He found himself saying. “We separated two years ago.”

“I’m guessing loving men wasn’t really an option in your family.” Rafael responded thoughtfully, reaching for the bottle of scotch and pouring them both a generous amount of the amber liquid. “The scars on your back…”

“My dad caught me with one of the boys off the track team.” Trevor informed Rafael, nursing the ridges of the tumbler with his thumb. “Tried to beat the gay right out of me.”

He watched as Rafael’s lips pursed together into a thin, grim line. Trevor had never told anyone that, not even Karen knew the truth behind those scars. She doted on his father, always doing her best to keep the old man happy. For some insane reason he could never bring himself to ruin her perception on Jack Langan. It still left a sour taste in his mouth, even after all of these years.

“It seems I’m not the only one that had a terrible father.” Rafael uttered, holding his glass up in toast. “To the men that made us, to the ones we strive not to be.”

Trevor clinked his tumbler against Rafael’s and the two of them ended the toast by draining their glasses and putting them back down upon the table. Rafael picked up the bottle of Valkyrie before refilling both of their glasses generously.

“The Valkyrie was a nice touch.” Rafael said with the hint of a smile as he sipped from his scotch this time savouring the taste.

“It’s one of my favourites.” Trevor told him with a wry smile before giving a small shrug. “And I wanted to get on your good side.”

“Well you certainly did that.” Rafael murmured, setting his glass back down as he leaned in just a little closer to Trevor. 

“I want this with you.” Trevor said finally, meeting Rafael’s gaze. “I want us to do more than just hook up. I want breakfasts with you, evenings curled up on the couch.”

“Evenings like this?” Rafael murmured. His arm came to rest upon the back of the couch, his fingertips ghosting across the back of Trevor’s neck. 

The fresh scent of sandalwood flooded Trevor’s nostrils like an aphrodisiac. He could feel the heat rolling off Rafael’s skin as he lingered within Trevor’s proximity. His gaze lowered to Rafael’s tantalising mouth, his thumb stroking over the curve of the Rafael’s cheek.

Rafael’s lips covered his own,  his fingers combed through Trevor’s hair. They melted into one another, their hips bumped as Rafael climbed into his lap, thighs straddling Trevor’s waist. Their chests urgently pushed against each other, the rustle of fabric echoing through the apartment.

Trevor responded fiercely to his Rafael’s ministrations, his large, dexterous hands gripped Rafael’s thighs, his thumbs trailing up the inner seam of Rafael’s jeans towards his groin. Rafael arched upwards but Trevor skated over that area, his palms instead slipping underneath the ADA’s sweater.

“Tease,” Rafael mumbled. Trevor’s lips left a trail of blazing hot kisses along his jaw to that deviant spot just under the hinge of Rafael’s jaw.

“Impatient,” he chided his lover, teeth grazing that special little place.

He was rewarded with a husky moan as Rafael’s hips bucked against this own. He loved having Rafael in this position, he could feel his own erection straining painfully in his trousers. Tenderly he stripped Rafael’’s sweater from his body, tossing it onto the floor.

Fuck, he loved the way Rafael looked. Trevor couldn’t stop his hands from roving all over that gorgeous tanned skin of his. His mouth followed suit, kissing, nipping and licking until he had Rafael naked on his lap. It wasn’t enough, he wanted Rafael sprawled out on his stomach, grinding his leaking cock against the mattress as Trevor fucked him with his tongue. He wanted to hear his name roll off Rafael’s lips like a sermon as he lavished Rafael with the attention he deserved.

“Let me take you to bed.” Trevor whispered, his fingers threading through Rafael’s dark hair. “I need more space for what I want to do to you.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor shows Rafael just how much he cares.

“You trust me right?” Trevor mumbled against Rafael’s sensitive skin. His lips left a trail of blazing kisses along the curve of Rafael’s throat.

His large hands caressed the contours of Rafael’s body. Palms stroking over the tender flesh before Trevor allowed his fingertips to ghost over the more deviant areas, the ones that made Rafael’s hips jerk up with the desire for more.

In the months that they had been together, he had learned what Rafael loved, what turned him on, what made him lose himself in bed. Trevor loved watching Rafael give himself over to the pleasure, loved the trust the two of them had in one another. 

“I wouldn’t have let you tie me to the bed if I didn’t,” Rafael murmured against his lips. The brief skin on skin contact was electric, leaving Rafael whining at its loss. Trevor checked the knot on the lavender tie he had used to bind his Rafael to the headboard. 

Content with his work, he turned his attention back to Rafael. His lips covering Rafael’s, his tongue dipped into his mouth, hot and seeking as he cupped Rafael’s jaw. Trevor’s thumb skates over the apple of Rafael’s cheek tenderly. 

Trevor drew away momentarily, much to Rafael’s displeasure. His knees came to straddle Rafael’s thighs, his hands stroking the plains of Rafael’s chest. His thumb and forefinger captured Rafael’s left nipple, lightly tweaking it causing Rafael to grunt in pleasure at the sensation. 

Trevor’s eyes fixated on Rafael’s face as he allowed his left hand to lightly smooth over Rafael’s leaking cock. His thumb rubbed across the head, smearing precum across the tip as he slowly pumped his hand over that hypersensitive area.

Rafael’s head tipped back into the pillow as he moaned out loud. Trevor’s palm came to rest on his abdomen, pinning his hips in place as he focused on teasing the tip of the other man’s dick.

“You have no idea how good you look like this.” Trevor uttered, his voice rough with desire. 

His grey eyes were dark with passion as he reached back and picked up his tumbler of whisky. He held Rafael’s gaze as he sipped from the glass, his teeth crunching down on an ice cube before he set the drink back down on the bedroom floor. 

His cool lips descended on Rafael’s collarbone, the press of his mouth deviously cold as it contrasted with the heat of his skin. Rafael gasped as Trevor’s chilled tongue swiped over his right nipple, sucking until it hardened before he diverted his course to the opposite one, delivering the same treatment. Rafael groused when Trevor pulled away, however he was pacified when Trevor grasped the pillows from beside Rafael’s head and urged him to lift his hips so that he could place them underneath him. 

Trevor reached for the tumbler and repeated the same process as before. He parted Rafael’s legs gently, his thumbs traced circles on his inner thighs, grazing those sexy, little spots as they slowly swept higher. His lips followed suit, that icy pleasure causing Rafael’s body to shudder uncontrollably.

Trevor crept towards his eventual goal, eliciting sounds out of Rafael that Trevor hadn’t even known he could make. He was writhing and desperate by the time Trevor’s warm hands came to rest on either side of his buttocks, spreading them open. 

Trevor heard Rafael curse out loud as his tongue licked over the taut puckered flesh with expert finesse. He traced the shape, dipping in just enough to make Rafael call out his name before he returned to his teasing, sucking at that intimate area. 

Trevor changed tact and thrusting his tongue inside of Rafael. Trevor’s firm grasp held him in place, preventing Rafael from bucking upwards. Rafael’s ragged breaths were punctuated with the word ‘fuck’ as Trevor began to slowly build him up. Trevor heard the wooden headboard bang against the wall as Rafael strained at his bonds. 

Trevor drew away suddenly, leaving Rafael  whimpered at the loss. Their eyes met, Rafael’s full of yearning. Trevor knelt between Rafael’s legs, his hand stroking his erection as Rafael watched.

“Fuck me.” Rafael pleaded as Trevor’s fist pumped his own cock just that little bit faster.

“Are you that desperate to come around my cock?" Trevor asked him with that playful smile of his. 

“Yes.” Rafael asserted. “Please…”

Trevor smiled, resuming his position between his Rafael’s legs, the tip of his stiff dick rubbing against Rafael’s slick opening. Rafael ground down against him, the head of Trevor’s cock slipping just inside of him.

"I need you to fuck me." Rafael hissed through his teeth.

Trevor’s grip on his hips tightened, his fingertips applying just a little more pressure as he eased inside of Rafael with an agonising slowness before withdrawing completely and starting all over again.

Rafael’s moans were getting louder as Trevor began to pick up the pace. His thrusts were getting deeper, faster, hitting just the right spot at the right time. Each and every motion took Rafael higher. Trevor took hold of his swollen cock and stroked it in tandem with his movements. 

The orgasm was powerful and all-consuming as it claimed Rafael, Trevor felt his whole body tensing around his cock as Rafael roared Trevor’s name so loudly he would be surprised if his neighbours didn’t hear it. Trevor followed a second later, riding out his own climax along with Rafael’s.

The room was filled with the sounds of their breathing, the scent of sex in the air as Rafael twisted his wrist slipping out of his restraints with ease before propping himself up with his elbows. 

“You’re filthy.” Rafael said in between laboured breaths, that sexy smirk of his ghosting across his handsome features.

“I didn’t hear you complaining.” Trevor laughed, his skin flushed with color in the aftermath of their lovemaking. 

Rafael laid back down upon the pillows, he always languished in the aftercare. Trevor watched as his muscles began to unfurl and relax, his eyelids beginning to flutter closed as he used the warm, damp towel he had retrieved from the bathroom to clean him.  Finishing off his task, Trevor put the towel into the laundry hamper before clambering back onto the bed. He drew the sheets up and over the both of them before he cuddled up to Rafael’s exhausted form. His lips skated over Rafael’s hairline as Rafael turned onto his side, burying his face into the curve of Trevor’s throat.  Trevor wrapped his arms around him, drawing him close.

“Sweet dreams.” Trevor whispered, contentment settling over him like a blanket as he succumbed quickly to sleep. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor's assistant finds out about him and Rafael.

It was the gentle brush of fingertips tracing along the curve of his spine that woke Trevor up. He sighed contently into the pillow, inhaling Rafael’s cedarwood scent deeply as a thumb smoothed gently over the ridged edges of his scars.

With other lovers he would have rolled onto this back, obscuring the ugly marks from view but this was Rafael. The man who knew his story, the man who didn’t think any less of him because of it. 

He felt the heat of Rafael’s breath, ghosting across the indentation of his shoulder before Rafael pressed a chaste kiss to the raised flesh, causing a pleasurable tingle to zing along Trevor’s spine.

“How long have you been awake?” Rafael mused, his head propped up his own pillow as he continued his ministrations. 

“Long enough to know how much I like this.” Trevor said, grey eyes flicking open so that he could meet Rafael’s gaze. 

Rafael snuggled closer. Trevor enjoyed the sensation is his warm skin brushing as Rafael’s thumb chased over the nape of his neck. Rafael’s dark hair was ruffled, it fell across his forehead giving him an almost boyish look. Their faces were barely inches apart, close enough to kiss. 

Trevor loved that he was the only one that got to see this side of Rafael.

It was everything to him.

“I wish we could stay like this.” Trevor murmured, wrapping his arm around Rafael’s waist and drawing him into the shelter of his loving form. “I wish we didn’t have to go to work.”

Rafael tucked his head under Trevor's chin, their legs entwining as Trevor’s lips brushed along his hairline.

“We have a couple of minutes," Rafael whispered, his lips caressing the space where Trevor’s heart resided. “Let's just enjoy them.”

* * *

“You're smiling,” Trevor's P.A  Stephanie uttered when he stepped into his office later that morning.  “And I would say there’s a spring in your step.”

Already she was pressing a takeaway cup of coffee into his hand from the cafe on the floor below. She trailed after him as he stepped through the doorway of his office, the click of her scarlet heels echoed through the room as she closed the door behind them.

“You dumped a bunch of receipts on my desk yesterday for me to expense...” she prompted, giving him a pointed look as she pulled a receipt from the pocket of her black high waisted trousers.  “... I found this amongst them along with a very cute delivery note.”

She placed the receipt down on the glossy surface of his desk before using her manicured finger tips to push it towards him. Trevor leaned forward, his finger smoothing over the crumpled folds of the sliver of paper. It was a credit card receipt from the specialized whisky shop on 31st.

“Valkyrie is not the type of whiskey you send a colleague.”   Stephanie remarked, her dark eyebrows raising as her red lips tipped up into knowing smile.   “Now remind me, is he the sassy one with the suspenders? The one that Dennis claims is the devil?”

Trevor snorted.

“Dennis needs to focus more on his trial prep.” he retorted. 

“I kind of like this whole sleeping with the enemy vibe you have going on,” Stephanie gestured at him as he sipped his coffee. “It gives you a bit of a bad boy edge.”

Trevor rolled his eyes at her words.

“I'm not sleeping with the enemy.” Trevor informed her. “We're seeing one another. ”

Stephanie put a hand to her chest in mock surprise, her mouth accentuating into an ‘o'.

“Trevor Langan, could you actually be entertaining the idea of a relationship  with a prosecutor,” She teased outlandishly. “Where are your morals? Your standards?”

Trevor couldn't hide the laughter that emitted from him as he placed the takeout cup back onto his desk in order to avoid spilling it.

“Somewhere along with yours I should think,” He countered with a humorous smile before sinking even deeper into his seat.

She shrugged simply, still wearing an expression of mirth on her pretty features.

“It's been a long time since seen you smile like this,” She told him in a rare moment of seriousness. “I'm just glad that you’re finally being true to yourself.”

Trevor gave her a knowing look before he spoke.

“Yes, Steph,” he said. “So am I.”

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor and Rafael enjoy a couple of moments over the phone.

Trevor was working late and for the first time in what felt like months , t he office of  Henshall and Langan were blissfully quiet. During most of the week, there would be a flurry of Junior Associates rushing around doing the bidding of the partners. However, it was Saturday night and Trevor was using  the time to catch up on the cases that had come across his desk.

The rest of the sixteenth floor was shrouded in darkness. Trevor could see the empty banks of desks through his open door before he closed it behind him, having snagged some of the strawberry Twizzlers from the top drawer of Stephanie’s desk. Since she was out having fun with her girlfriend, he didn’t see the harm in acquiring a few of her treats. He returned to his seat, taking a bite of one of his stolen Twizzlers before he turned his attention back to his caseload. 

As usual his mind wandered back to Rafael. He would rather be at home, wrapped up in Rafael. His thoughts were interrupted by the abrupt chiming of his phone. Trevor reached into the pocket of his blazer, withdrawing his phone and casting a glance at the screen before his face lit up with a grin. 

It still amazed him that after an almost a year of dating he still got a thrill whenever he saw Rafael’s name appear on his screen. Somehow the other man had slotted seamlessly into his life in a way that Trevor had never expected. They slept at each other’s apartments often, he had a suit or two at Rafael’s and a pair of comfortable sweatpants whilst Rafael preferred to relax at Trevor’s in his oversized t-shirts and baggy sweaters.  

At some point a cafetière had made its way into his kitchen along with that expensive brand of coffee that Rafael drank. He had become used to returning from his morning run to the heavenly scent of it in his kitchen and he was now regularly adding it to his grocery list. 

It wasn’t always easy, there were times where the two of them wouldn’t see each other for days on end due to their careers. There were instances when they would disagree like when Trevor was supposed to be helping Rafael with his closing argument or when Trevor had to change his defense strategy but those hurdles were short lived. At the end of an intense debate, they still loved one another despite the difference of opinions and Trevor wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Being with Rafael had opened him up to a whole world he didn’t know existed. He had a fierce sense of pride when he held the door open for Rafael, his hand resting on Rafael’s lower back as he guided him into whichever restaurant they had chosen for dinner. He loved touching Rafael and to be able to grace him with even the smallest affection brought a lightness to Trevor’s soul. He had spent so long hiding the truth of who he was that he had forgotten what it felt like to actually be able to hold hands with the person you cared about in public, to not fear pressing a kiss to their cheek or wrapping your arm around their shoulders simply because you wanted to feel their body close to yours. 

He glanced down at the text again, a small smile creeping across his lips at the words. 

_ Entertain me. _

It was simple but commanding and Trevor felt his cock twitch at the potential for mischief. He liked when Rafael decided to take charge. The times he had tied Trevor to the bed, made him beg for release…

Jesus Trevor was hard already at memories of it. He unzipped his trousers, slipping both them and his boxers down his legs and taking his throbbing cock in his hand. 

_ Trevor Langan: If we were at home right now, I’d do whatever you told me to. You’d tell me to slip those suspenders off your shoulders and slowly unbutton your shirt and I would do it.  _

_ Rafael Barba: Tell me how you’d please me.  _

_ Trevor Langan: I’d kiss you, on your mouth, down the curve of your throat. I love the taste of your skin on my lips. I’d use my thumbs to trail over your nipples, teasing them just the way you love. _

_ Rafael Barba: It feels so good when you do that baby. It makes my cock ache when you tweak them just right. Show me how hard it makes you to please me like that. _

_ Trevor Langan: Picture message attached.  _

_ Rafael Barba: Your cock looks so fucking good, all hard and leaking for me. Tell me what you’d do next.  _

_ Trevor Langan: If I was there I would already be on my knees, taking your cock in my mouth. I’d lick across the tip of your cock with my tongue, watching your face as I take it deeper. I love it when you grip my hair as you fuck my mouth.  _

_ Rafael Barba: You have no idea how good you look when my cock between your lips. I love the noises you make as you suck me off.   _

_ Trevor Langan: I’m stroking my cock right now, imagining how good you taste on my tongue, how fucking hot it is when you show me how I belong to you.  _

_ Trevor Langan: Video attached (0.05) _

_ Trevor Langan: See what you do to me Rafi. _

_ Rafael Barba: You know I’ve always had this secret fantasy about fucking you in your office…  _

_ Trevor Langan: Can you imagine me bent over my desk, working myself open for you while you sit in my chair and watch.  _

_ Rafael Barba: I want to hear you come tonight Trevor. I want to hear my name on your lips as you imagine my hands gripping your hips, fucking you until you come all over that desk.  _

Calling: Rafael Barba

Rafael’s breathless tones were in Trevor’s ear now. He knew he was touching himself, the same way Trevor was stroking over his own cock with rapid, pleasure building motions. Just the sound of him, so close to completion made Trevor’s balls tighten as he skirted the edge of his own climax. 

“I’m so close.” Trevor whispered through ragged breaths. “Jesus, the thought of you inside me… Fuck Rafi…”

Hearing the raw, visceral sounds of Rafael’s orgasm tipped Trevor over the edge. He thrust up into his fist, spilling himself all over his hand as he continued to pump his cock. 

“Fuck baby…” Rafael murmured between pants as Trevor sagged back in his chair, the back of his head bumping against the plush headrest. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

“A good way go right?” Trevor teased breathlessly through the speaker.

“Not if they find me with my dick out in the office.” Rafael mused humorously as Trevor closed his eyes for a moment, trying to catch his breath. 

“I’m sure Carmen would cover you up.” Trevor responded, plucking several tissues from the box on his desk before beginning to clean himself up. “Am I going to be seeing you tonight?”

He heard Rafael’s deep sigh resonating down the phone.

“I have at least another couple of hours of work here  _ mi amor _ , so probably not tonight.” Rafael said regretfully. 

Trevor felt the pang of disappointment before brushing it away. The words  _ mi amor _ echoed in his ears, filling Trevor with a such an intense rush of emotion, it made him feel like his heart was soaring in his chest. 

_ My love... _

“Just text me to make sure you get in safe.” Trevor said tenderly. “You know I worry Rafi.”

“I will.” Rafael responded softly, Trevor could hear the gentle smile in his voice. “And you too. Let me know when you get in _ mi vida _ .”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor comes clean to his wife.

It was rare that Rafael cooked dinner, his life had always been too busy, his schedule too hectic. Before Trevor , Rafael merely ate for sustenance. With Trevor, meals became more important. It was time the two of them spent together, holding hands over a glass of wine, sharing an indulgent dessert. Meals had become their time over the past year. 

Tonight, Rafael had made the effort to cook for Trevor. He had wanted to create something for him with his own hands, something that would show Trevor just how much he meant to him.

He would always remember the love that went into his Abuelita’s tamales. He would stand alongside her on a step stool from an early age, doing his best to contribute to the meal. As he grew up, he relished the comfort he found in making that dish, the recipe was ingrained within his psyche. When he decided to cook for Trevor on their one-year anniversary, there was no doubt in his mind that he would be making tamales. 

The past year had been a rollercoaster of highs and lows, but Rafael had never been as content as he was these days. He loved coming home to the other man, seeing him reading on the couch, legs spread out across the cushions taking up the entire space...

It was why he had asked Trevor to move in with him this morning, why Trevor was now googling movers on his laptop.

“I’m going to ask Karen for a divorce.” The statement came completely out of the blue, causing Rafael to shift his attention from cooking as Trevor closed his laptop purposefully.

“I don't need that  _ mi amor _ .” Rafael told Trevor, his hand coming to rest on his hip as he spoke sincerely. “Being with you is enough.” 

“I don't think it's enough for me." Trevor responded honestly from his place on the couch as Rafael wiped his hands on his apron. “We’re planning a life together, talking about moving in and it’s always like this shadow in the background weighing down on me.” 

Asking Karen for a divorce would come with a cost and they were both aware of the toll it would take on Trevor. He had been separated from his wife for three years now, that was common knowledge but as soon as news of the divorce hit people would be asking why. Trevor would be effectively coming out to them all at once and he had spent years cleverly keeping himself in the shadows. Trevor's life as he knew it would change completely.

“You’re sure?” Rafael asked him, the gravity of the situation weighing heavily in his voice. 

Already Rafael could feel his jaw tightening as his mind drifted to those white scars etched into his Trevor’s back, of the years that Trevor had spent hiding from himself. 

“I want this  Rafael,” Trevor told him, his voice resolute. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Rafael swallowed hard against the emotional ache in his throat as he nodded his agreement.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way ,” he promised.

 

* * *

 

The restaurant that Trevor had chosen to meet his wife, boasted a beautiful view and superb food. It was also neutral territory. Anxiety writhed in his stomach as he remained perched in his seat, his hands clasped together tightly, his grey gaze fixated on the door.

She was running late...

It was unusual, but it didn't mean she had stood him up. His mind spiralled for a moment, wondering if somehow, she already knew... 

It was impossible, he rationalized. 

He inhaled deeply through his nose and exhaled through his mouth, focusing on the sensation of his diaphragm raising and falling, the way his therapist had taught him to whenever he felt acutely stressed. 

It helped. He could feel the agitation begin to quiet just a little as he placed his palm against his lower ribs, feeling the depth of each and every single one of his breaths.

Karen had always been able to turn heads and today was no different when she stepped inside of the restaurant, heels clacking upon the shiny floor. Her trim figure swept through the doorway clad in a flattering black suit that accentuated her figure. She wore a silk red shirt underneath that highlighted the hue of her flawless skin. The matching platinum rings she wore on her wedding finger glinted in the overhead lighting as she brushed her loose, glossy dark hair back behind her ear. 

Their eyes met from across the room, her entire face lighting up in what Trevor could only describe as a dazzling smile.

Fuck...

He wished that he was straight or even bi because then he could have loved her in the way that she wanted. However, the die had been cast and Trevor was resolute. He couldn't live a lie anymore and Karen deserved better than that from him.

He rose to his feet to greet her. The scent of her familiar perfume flooded his nostrils as her soft lips brushed across his cheek.

“Sorry I'm late.” Karen said as she stepped away and slid into her seat with a gracefulness that Trevor certainly did not possess. “My meeting overran.”

“It's fine.” Trevor pacified her, taking his own seat once more. “I've only been here few minutes myself.” 

“I'm glad you called.” She told him, her hand reaching across the table and clasping his hand. “I'm glad you've  realized its time to come back home.”

Home...

Home to him was with Rafael in an upscale apartment close by.

Home to Karen was the town house in Manhattan.

“That's not my home anymore Karen.” Trevor asserted, shaking his head to further his message.

“Trevor, we have talked about this.” Karen responded firmly, her fingers squeezing his hand tightly. The wedding ring dug into his flesh, scraping across his knuckles as he pulled his hand away. “The whole reason I agreed to the separation was because you needed to get your shit together before you became a father.” 

Trevor's pursed his lips together grimly. Starting a family was one of the most important of things to Karen. Every time she had brought it up in the past he has tried to persuade her otherwise. There was no way he would have been able to bring a child into a marriage like theirs.

“That was part of it.” He reminded her, a fierce tone to his voice. “Did you forget the rest?”

“You wanted a free pass to suck dick.” Karen commented dryly as she leaned across the table. “And I have given you that, now its time to be a fucking grown up.”

Her words stung, he felt every single one of them like barbs under his skin, ripping at him. In the past he would have backed down, he would have agreed with her, but things were different now, he was different. Being gay wasn’t a ‘phase’ or a ‘choice’ it was who he was, and he wouldn’t allow himself to be thrust back into the life he had previous led because of other people’s expectations.

“You think that’s why we separated?” he asked her incredulously, gesturing to himself with both hands. “To get the gay out of my system before I came crawling back to you to give you a baby?”

She tilted her head at him, her gaze stoic as she reviewed him.

“We've been married nearly twenty years.” Karen told him, a dangerous edge to her tone. “You always come back to me and I always tell you it’s ok.” 

There was truth in her words. That had been the pattern of their relationship, how they had functioned over the years and looking back Trevor hated it, he hated that he had never had the strength and the courage to say enough was enough. He had lived that lie, he had wasted so much time and it had been so destructive to them both. 

“Karen…” he tried again, his tone softer this time. “I'm gay and it has taken so many years and an insane amount of therapy to come to terms with who I am. I can’t live this lie anymore.” 

He inhaled deeply for a moment, thinking of Rafael, the strength the other man resonated and the unconditional support that came along with him. He admired Rafael, the way he had chosen to live his life from an early age despite the consequences. 

“I can’t pretend to be something I am not.” He told Karen frankly. “The reason I asked you here today was to discuss the two of us moving forward with our lives independently.”

There was silence for a moment, it hung in the air between them as Karen absorbed this new information. He saw the exact moment it hit her, her perfectly shaped eyebrows furrowed into a frown, causing the space in between them to crease just a little. 

“You’re asking me for a divorce?” she questioned him, a hint of disbelief in her voice as it rose an octave causing him to flinch. “After years of putting up with your shit, of having you cheat on me with men and then come crying on my shoulder about how confused you are...”

She trialled off, sucking in a deep breath. He felt the shame creep up the back of his neck, it flooded his system as he reached out for her hand, wanting to do anything to limit the pain that he was causing her. 

“I’m sorry…” he whispered, his fingers grazing her wrist. 

Karen snatched her hand away as if he was toxic, her eyes flickering up to meet his. He could see the rage in them, how brightly it burned inside of her as she leaned forward over the table and hissed. 

“I put my life in hold for you. I gave you my best years, years I could have spent raising a family and you…” she accused, jabbing her finger at his chest. “You were so fucking selfish, you didn’t have the guts to tell me that that wasn’t what you wanted.”

That was unfair, and he knew he should let her have it. He knew he should let her feel what she had to, allow her to blame him for everything but there was this part of him deep down inside, one that had been silent for such a long time…

“I did tell you, the problem is you didn’t hear me.” He snapped, his mind running back over the countless times the two of them had discussed his sexuality. He had told her in so many ways that he was gay, that he didn’t want a child with her, but Karen wouldn’t listen. 

“Why now?” she asked him, her tone clipped as she collapsed back into her seat.  “Why divorce me now?”

That was a loaded question, one that he did not want to answer but he could see it dawning on Karen already.

“You met somebody.” She said quietly. “Who is he?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Trevor told her, meeting her gaze evenly.

“Does he know your married?” she responded with an arched eyebrow. 

“He knows everything.” Trevor informed her before adding. “He didn’t ask for this, he doesn’t need this. I do.” 

It was the final two words that seemed to strike that chord inside her. She had wanted someone else to blame but Trevor would not hand her Rafael, the fault was their own, no one else’s. 

“Don’t expect me to take this lying down.” She told him, the expression on her face glacial as she rose to her feet with a dignity that Trevor coveted. 

She turned on her heel and stalked purposely towards the glass door of the restaurant leaving Trevor to wonder if her words were merely a warning or a threat. 

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen issues Trevor with an ultimatum.

The pictures on Trevor’s phone were intimate, ones that Rafael would never have allowed to be taken. The muscles in his chest tightened, crushing down on his lungs as he took in the image.

He and Trevor were standing in front of the bedroom window. Rafael’s was head was tipped back, his cheeks flushed with ecstasy. Rafael’s fingers were tangled in his hair as he kissed his way down his lover’s body. Trevor’s eyes were fixed on Rafael’s face, a deviant smile dancing across his handsome features.

It was a sensual moment, a private one. Now it had been tainted, used to humiliate Trevor in the worst possible way.

“Has anyone else seen this?” Rafael asked quietly, his eyes straying to Trevor who was slumped in the arm chair.

Trevor’s arms were crossed over his chest, his jaw set with tension as his gaze flickered up to meet Rafael’s.

“Nobody else yet,” Trevor sighed. “Karen’s threatening to send it to the partners.”

Rafael felt his stomach twist as a blazing hot rage began to thrum through his veins. An ache began to gnaw at his temples, pressure prickling at the back of his eyes as Trevor pulled out a set of paperwork from his black satchel.

“I hurt her and now she’s trying to hurt me back.” Rafael could hear the devastation in Trevor's voice as he handed the stack of paperwork over to him. “She’s made a list of demands.”

Rafael returned Trevor’s phone back to him before he flicked through the papers. His fingertips skimmed over the lines as he read over the terms of the divorce agreement he was holding in his hands.

“This will ruin you financially,” Rafael snapped, shaking his head as he tossed the paperwork down on the couch beside of him. “If you sign this, she gets everything.”

“If these photos get out, it could ruin me,” Trevor said holding up his phone. “If I don’t give her what she wants she will send these to everyone.”

“The people who are important already know we’re a couple.” Rafael reminded him, raising to his feet so that he was standing in front of Trevor.

His hands came to rest upon Trevor’s shoulders, his thumbs gently caressing the lines of his collarbone.

“I will lose my job Rafael.” Trevor said exasperated.

“Do you want to work for people who judge you because of who you love?” Rafael responded quietly, meeting Trevor’s eyes.

“You don’t get it Rafael, it’s not about that…” Trevor murmured, averting his gaze.

“Is this about your father?” Rafael asked incredulously. “About him finding out that you’re in love with another man?”

Trevor said nothing, the silence handing between the two of them before Rafael drew away.

“I see.” Rafael said.

He felt the sting of the truth like a slap in the face.

“I need to clear my head.” Trevor whispered, his head hung low as he rose to his feet and retreating to the bedroom. “I’m going for a run.”

* * *

Running was the only thing that had kept Trevor sane in the past. When the pressure got too much as a teenager, he would spend hours at the track, pushing himself until he couldn’t run any longer. That habit had followed him long into his adult years, instead of the track he loved to run in Central Park.  

He loved the full lush greenery and then the crisp autumn leaves when the season changed. There was something about the scent of nature filling his lungs as he kept pace around the lake that settled him. Being around water always seemed to sooth him. It gave him a sense of freedom that he craved in those years, one that he could get nowhere else. He had been trapped by his marriage, his father and the path that had been so tenuously laid out before him.

Over the past year he felt that he could breathe for the first time. He knew that was due to Rafael’s presence in his life. Rafael had given Trevor the strength to be honest with himself, to be proud of who he was.

Trevor had expected Karen to lash out, to take him to the cleaners during the divorce. He hadn’t expected the level of viciousness that she was currently displaying. He had humiliated her over the years with his affairs, fucking men and creeping back home. Each time must have been a stab in the chest for her and he’d been too self involved to deal with it, too busy pitying himself and his circumstances.  All of her outrageous demands, they were payback for all those moments, moments where he had taken so much from her.

He had destroyed her hopes and dreams for the future. She had always wanted a family and he had known that from the very beginning. However that had never been an option for him, an expectation definitely but he had known from the very beginning that he was never going to have children. He had strung her along for over twenty years because he was a complete fucking asshole.

He deserved what Karen was doing to him right now, forcing him into a choice that she knew he would find impossible.

Confront his father or lose Rafael.

That’s what it would come to in the end. His career was built upon the foundations of his father’s legacy, if Jack Langan found out that his son was in love with another man, Trevor could kiss everything he worked for goodbye. His father would use his considerable influence to ensure that any job he tried to procure was shot down. He would have nothing…

Nothing except Rafael.

Was that enough? 

* * *

 When Trevor returned from his run, Rafael was seated in the living room perched in his favourite armchair across from the fireplace. His fingertip was rubbing at his temple, a sure sign of his agitation as he stared into the flames. There was an open book resting upon his lap, Vonnegut if Trevor wasn’t mistaken. He allowed his gaze to flicker upwards, taking in the furrows of his lover’s forehead as his eyebrows knotted into a frown. Their eyes met, green on grey, and Trevor found himself speaking as he took a step forward.

“I’m sorry.” Trevor said quietly.

Rafael said nothing, his mouth pursing into a grim line as he reviewed Trevor silently.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Trevor told him, coming to stand before Rafael.

Rafael closed the book in his lap purposely before slipping it onto the coffee table. His shoulders slumped as he sunk back into the armchair, his gaze distant.

“I know a thing or two about overbearing fathers.” Rafael reminded Trevor, the muscles in his jaw tightened before he exhaled deeply trying to release tension. “I shouldn’t have pushed you. I know what power a man like that can hold, even after all these years.”

“Tomorrow.” Trevor murmured, stretching out his hand to caress Rafael’s cheek. Rafael leaned into his touch, his lips brushing along the pulse point of Trevor’s wrist. “Tomorrow, I’ll face my father.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor confronts his father.

Jack Langan’s office had always been the most regal in the building. Stationed on the top floor, it boasted a stunning view of the New York skyline, one that Trevor had once coveted. The furniture was shiny dark oak, its rich colour offset by the marble floor and the warm hue cast by the spotlights that were fixed into the ceiling above. The bookshelves on either side of the desk were lined with leather bound editions of law books that Trevor had studied over the years, each spine perfect and unblemished. Soft grey curtains hung on either side of the windows that lined one side of the room.

His father was seated in a cream coloured executive chair behind his desk. Even at this distance his father’s tall stature cut an imposing presence, his aura emanating a radiance of power and money. 

Trevor could feel his father’s steely gaze on him as he stood by the window, staring out across the other man’s kingdom. In the past it would have made him flinch but today he refused to buckle underneath the weight of it. He was prepared for this battle, for the consequences of it. 

“What is this?” Jack Langan hissed, he could hear his father’s finger jabbing at the screen on his iPad as he swiped through the photographs that Trevor had forwarded on from Karen. 

Trevor fought the urge to blush, although he could feel the creep of heat climbing up his neck as he recalled the intimacy of the photographs.

“I think it’s clear enough.” Trevor said, steeling himself from the onslaught, his chin tilted up, his shoulders back as he stood tall.

“It’s bad enough your fucking another man but Barba?” Jack snapped, tossing the iPad onto the desk with a thud. “Are you trying to embarrass me Trevor?”

“This isn’t about you.” Trevor responded curtly. 

“To hell it’s not.” Jack exploded, Trevor could tell that he had risen to his feet from the sound of executive chair rolling backwards and crashing into the wall. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

Trevor inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with oxygen, trying to ignore the rampaging thud of his heart against his ribcage as he turned to meet his father’s gaze. 

“I thought I beat this out of you when I caught you kissing that boy in the pool house.” Jack snarled, his lip curling up in disgust.

A bitter smile twisted at Trevor’s mouth. He remembered the slurs that rolled off his father’s tongue as that belt rained down on his back. It had been that event that had dominated his world, he had become obedient after that, fallen back into line. He wasn’t that kid anymore or the man that had so blindly followed the path that his father had laid down in front of him. 

“A beating doesn’t change someone’s orientation.” Trevor snapped back at his father, the frustration evident in his tone. “It just gives them more incentive to hide it.”

“Well fucking hell, look who's turned liberal all of a sudden.” Jack sneered, before jabbing his finger at his son. “Langans aren’t faggots Trevor, we don’t fuck other men, we especially don’t fuck dandy prosecutors who thrust what they are into other people’s faces.”

“You hate him because he’s open about who he is, that he’s not ashamed of it.” Trevor told his father resolutely. “But that’s why I love him.”

The words hung in the room between the two of them for a second before Jack’s expression turned livid.

“Love.” He mocked, rolling the word around his tongue as if it were foreign. “Love is for fiction and card companies. Legacy is what’s real and if you keep this up you will be throwing yours away. I won’t let you embarrass me Trevor just because you can’t keep your dick in your pants every time a someone bends over.”

The threat was real. He could see the rage seething in this father’s eyes as he spoke, and he knew right now he was being given a choice. Fall back into line or walk away. 

For Trevor there was only one option. 

* * *

"He fired his own son.” Stephanie erupted as she swung through the door of Rita’s apartment, shedding her coat and scarf in one fluid motion. “It’s all anyone is talking about at work. You could hear him screaming at Trevor through the walls.”

Rita set her laptop down upon the coffee table, her gaze swinging upwards as she watched Stephanie pace in front of the recently renovated fireplace. She reached for the glass of red wine, picking it up as she drew her legs up underneath her. 

“Jack never was… progressive.” Rita commented wryly as she swilled the contents of the glass gently. “It was one of the reasons he refused to hire me back in the day.”

Stephanie whirled around to face her, her hands on her hips as she stood before Rita like some sort of fierce warrior goddess. Rita loved this version of her, the fire in her eyes. It reminded her of why she had fallen in love with Stephanie in the first place.

“That man is despicable.” Stephanie remarked passionately. “You should have sued him!”

“It was a different time.” Rita responded, shaking her head at the memory. “He had a lot of power in those days, he could have made things difficult for me if I’d put up a fuss.”

Stephanie dropped onto the couch beside of Rita, her cheek coming to rest upon her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“I hate that this is happening to him, Rita.” Stephanie murmured tucking herself in against Rita’s welcoming form as her lover’s lips brushed her hairline. “Trevor was the only one that took a chance on me, he took me on even though there were much more qualified people. He saw my potential.” 

“I know sweetheart.” Rita murmured before setting her glass back down upon the coffee table and using her free hand to pull Stephanie to her feet.

“Where are we going?” Stephanie asked as Rita slipped back into her black patent leather heels. 

“You’re taking me to Trevor’s.” Rita informed her girlfriend. “There’s a few things the two of us need to discuss.”

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trevor enjoys his first day at the office.

Stepping off the elevator onto the floor of Calhoun and Langan was a dream come true for Trevor. Becoming a partner had been a dream of his for a long time, a dream he had never expected to come true with his father alive. Jack Langan had always seen to it that he had known his place and it was always firmly underneath him.

A lot of his dreams had been coming true in the six months since he had left Hershall and Langan. Karen had conceded to his generous counter offer and they were on their way to a settlement. A few more months and Trevor was sure that the two of them would find themselves happily divorced. Which was just as well considering on their small break away upstate Rafael had agreed to marry him.

_It had been a perfect night, the two of them wrapped up in plush sheets during the aftermath of their love making. They had spent the evening catching a show, one that Rafael had been desperate to see, followed by a spectacular meal. His lover had been on top of the world when they had got back to the hotel, his happiness had been intoxicating. They had spent all night relearning one another, exploring, tasting, teasing._

_In the aftermath they had lain tangled up in one another. Trevor’s hand had Rafael’s jaw, tilting his head back into the pillow so that he could kiss along the curve of his lover’s throat._

_“Marry me.” He had whispered into Rafael’s ear._

_“Of course.” Rafael had responded, twisting his head so he could capture Trevor’s lips._

_It had been the best night of Trevor’s life._

Trevor smiled at the memory as he walked into his office. It was smaller than the one he had at Hershall and Langan but it was his. He had chosen his own furnishings, he had allowed himself several personal items, something that had been frowned upon in his old practice.

When Stephanie had turned up with Rita in tow that night, Trevor had been facing an uncertain future. However Rita had changed all of that, she had explained that she had been looking to break out on her own for a while and had been looking for just the right partner before she left her current firm. She thought Trevor could be it.

Trevor had questioned it of course, he knew there had been bad blood between Rita and his father for a long time but he had never known the truth behind it. Rita had been a young paralegal when she’d started work at Hershall and Langan. During those years’ rumours had been rife regarding Jack’s affairs with interns and other much younger women. It didn’t surprise him that Jack had come on to Rita, neither had the fact he had fired her when he had discovered she was a lesbian.

Trevor appreciated the transparency, so he came clean about his own situation. He was honest with Rita about what had transpired with his father. He told her about Karen’s demands in the divorce and about his assets.

They had spent the rest of the evening discussing how a partnership would work between the two of them with Rafael and Stephanie interceding at certain intervals. A deal was hammered out and a few weeks later the two of them were signing their names to their new venture Calhoun and Langan.

The next step had been contacting their clients. Trevor had cultivated an excellent relationship with most of his clients during his time at Hershall and Langan however he was still surprised by the amount that decided to bring their business to the new firm. Stephanie had commented that it showed the trust he instilled in other people despite the fact the firm was in its infancy.

It was the sound of a throat being cleared behind him that drew his attention to the man standing in the doorway of his new office. Rafael still looked as handsome as he had when he had left Trevor in bed this morning.

His dark hair speckled was coiffed into his usual neat style. He was wearing that charcoal grey suit, the one that offset his skin tone and made his green eyes gleam just little bit brighter. His lips curved into that sensuous smile of his as he held up a take-out cup of coffee before placing it on Trevor’s desk.

“I’m sorry I had to leave so early, I didn’t want to miss your first day.” Rafael said as he stepped into Trevor’s arms, pressing the briefest of kisses to his lips.

It wasn’t nearly enough for Trevor however since they were in his office, he tried to elude some professionalism, ignoring the urge to christen his desk.

“You had court.” Trevor murmured, his lips brushing over the corner of Rafael’s mouth. “And you’re here now.”

There was a gentle rapping on the open door, interrupting the moment and leading Trevor to glance over Rafael’s shoulder to see Stephanie lingering in the doorway. Her vibrant red lips were curved into a small smile, her eyebrows arched in a teasing manner as she took in the scene before her.

 “Trevor, Mr Croft waiting for you in the conference room.” Stephanie told him before she turned on her heel, leaving the two of them to their privacy.

“Dinner tonight?” Trevor asked Rafael, dipping his head to capture his gaze.

“I’ve already booked our table at Soprano’s.” Rafael told Trevor, his fingers straightening the lapels of Trevor’s jacket. “I wanted to celebrate your first day.”

“Thank you.” Trevor said earnestly as Rafael took a step back to admire his handiwork.

“You deserve it.” Rafael smiled before gesturing to the open doorway. “Now, go make me proud.”

 


End file.
